Let’s be honest, hen parties can sound like a lot when you’re an introvert. A whole weekend with a group of people, some of whom you might barely know, sharing accommodation, eating together, going out, taking loads of photos and being expected to join in with everything? For some people, that sounds like the best weekend ever. For others, it sounds like a nightmare.
If you’re an introvert, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You don’t secretly hate everyone, you’re not being boring and you don’t need to suddenly become the loudest person in the room just because someone’s getting married. You might just need a bit of time to yourself, prefer smaller conversations and find that too much socialising leaves you feeling completely drained.
The good news is that you can have a fantastic time at a hen party without pretending to be someone you’re not. Here are out top tips on how to survive a hen party if you’re an introvert:
Remember that you don’t have to be ‘on’ all weekend
One of the biggest pressures of a hen party can be feeling like you have to be sociable every second of the day. You’ve travelled somewhere together, you’re staying in the same house or hotel, there’s an itinerary packed with plans and everyone seems determined to make the most of every minute. But you’re allowed to have quieter moments.
You don’t have to contribute to every conversation, join every game or be dancing on the table by 9pm. You can sit back and listen. You can have a quieter chat with one person instead of trying to keep up with a group of fifteen. You can go upstairs for a shower and take your time getting ready while everyone else is downstairs making noise. Nobody needs you to perform your way through the weekend.
And if you’re worried that people will think you’re being antisocial, remember that most people are far too busy thinking about themselves to analyse what you’re doing. You might be convinced that everyone’s noticed you’ve gone quiet, when actually they’re wondering whether their mascara has smudged.
Find your person early on
If you’re heading to a hen party where you don’t know everyone, having one familiar face can make a huge difference. It might be the bride, one of the bridesmaids, your sister, your best mate or someone you’ve met a couple of times before. Stick near them when you first arrive and let yourself settle in before throwing yourself into the group.
You’ll probably find that once you’ve had a few conversations, things become much easier. Instead of walking into a room full of strangers and wondering who to talk to, you’ll have someone you can naturally chat with.
You could even message someone before the hen and arrange to travel together. There’s something much less intimidating about arriving with a friendly face rather than turning up alone and wondering where you’re supposed to stand.
Don’t put pressure on yourself to make friends with everyone
This one is important. You don’t need to become best mates with every person at the hen. There might be childhood friends of the bride, work colleagues, cousins, university mates and people you’ve never met before. Some will probably be your cup of tea. Others might not be. That’s fine.
Focus on having a few nice conversations rather than trying to work the entire room. If you click with someone, great. Grab a drink together, sit next to them at dinner or head out together later.
Introverts often prefer deeper conversations rather than jumping from person to person making small talk, so don’t feel as though you’re doing the hen party wrong because you’ve spent an hour chatting to one person. You’re there to celebrate the bride, not win an award for Most Sociable Hen.
Choose your moments to join in
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you have to say no to everything. In fact, you might have a brilliant time once you get involved. The trick is choosing the things you actually want to do rather than feeling obliged to join in with every single plan.
If there’s a cocktail class, spa day, dance class, afternoon tea or creative workshop that genuinely appeals to you, go for it. Having an activity gives you something to focus on, which can actually make socialising much easier. You’re not standing around wondering what to say because there’s something happening.
On the other hand, if the group wants to spend three hours shouting karaoke songs in a packed bar and you’d rather quietly disappear into the nearest bathroom, it’s perfectly reasonable not to be thrilled. You can pick your battles.
Give yourself little breaks
This might be your most important hen party survival tactic. If you know that lots of socialising wears you out, build in little pockets of quiet time wherever you can. You don’t need to announce that you’re taking an official introvert break. Just excuse yourself for a few minutes.
Go back to the hotel room and freshen up. Take a shower. Sit outside with a coffee. Go for a short walk. Put your phone away and have ten minutes of peace.
Even if you’re staying in a house with everyone else, find a quiet corner when you can. You might be surprised how much better you feel after a few minutes without twenty conversations happening around you.
Think of it as charging your social battery. You’re not escaping the hen. You’re giving yourself enough breathing space to enjoy the rest of it.
Be sensible about where you’re staying
Accommodation can make a huge difference to how enjoyable a hen weekend feels. If you’re sharing a bedroom with six other people and nobody goes to bed until 3am, you might reach your limit pretty quickly. If you have the option to choose your own room, it could be worth paying a little extra for some privacy.
Having somewhere quiet to retreat to can completely change the experience. You can shut the door, get into your pyjamas, scroll through your phone and have half an hour to yourself before heading back downstairs.
If you’re staying in a house, have a look at the layout before you arrive. Is there a quiet lounge? A garden? A bedroom where you can get ready without ten people squeezing around a mirror? It might sound like a small thing, but knowing you have somewhere peaceful to go can make the whole weekend feel much less overwhelming.
Don’t feel guilty about saying no
There’s a difference between refusing to take part in anything and knowing when you’ve had enough. If you’ve already spent all afternoon socialising and the group wants to head straight out for another five hours, you’re allowed to say you’re going to sit one thing out.
You don’t need a dramatic excuse either. A simple I’m shattered, I’m going to have a quiet one for a bit is enough. You’re not letting the bride down. You’re not ruining the hen. You’re simply recognising your own limits.
And let’s face it, there’s a good chance someone else in the group will secretly be delighted that you’ve suggested a quiet evening too.
Have an escape plan for the big night out
If the hen includes a big night out, decide beforehand how you’ll handle it. You don’t have to stay until the bitter end just because everyone else is. If you know you’ll be ready for bed by midnight, there’s nothing wrong with heading back to the hotel.
Check how you’ll get back, keep your phone charged and make sure you know where you’re staying. That way, if you reach the point where your social battery has completely disappeared, you won’t be stuck wondering how to get home.
You could also agree with another hen that you’ll leave together if you’re both ready to call it a night. Having a plan means you can relax and enjoy yourself without worrying that you’re trapped.
Get involved in your own way
You don’t have to be the loud one to be part of the fun. Maybe you’re the person who gets everyone laughing with one perfectly timed comment. Maybe you’re happier taking photos, helping the bride get ready or making sure everyone gets where they need to be. Maybe you love joining in with games but hate being the centre of attention.
There are loads of ways to enjoy a hen party. You can be silly without being loud. You can dance without needing everyone to watch. You can join in with the games without volunteering for every challenge. You can enjoy a few drinks, have a laugh and still sneak away for some peace when you need it. Being introverted doesn’t mean you’re incapable of having fun. You might simply enjoy it differently.
Prepare yourself for the group photos
Ah yes, the photos. There will probably be a lot of them. If you hate being photographed, you might find this surprisingly stressful, especially when someone announces that everyone needs to get together for another group shot just as you’ve finally found a quiet spot.
Try not to overthink it. Have a few photos taken, smile, have a laugh and then get back to enjoying yourself.
You also don’t need to be camera ready every second. Nobody expects you to look perfect throughout an entire hen weekend. There’ll probably be someone with a drink in one hand, someone fixing their hair and someone else wondering where they left their shoes. It’s a hen party, not a fashion shoot.
Tell the bride what you’re comfortable with
If you’re close to the bride, it can help to be honest before the hen. You don’t need to make a big announcement about being an introvert. Just let her know if there are certain things you’re nervous about, particularly if she’s planning games or activities where people might be put on the spot. A good friend will understand.
She’ll also probably appreciate knowing that you want to enjoy the weekend but might need a little quiet time here and there.
And if you’re the bride reading this, remember that your quieter hens might still be having an absolutely fantastic time. Don’t assume someone’s miserable just because they’re not shouting across the table.
Don’t compare yourself to the loudest hen
Every hen party seems to have one. She’s already made friends with everyone before the starter has arrived, she’s dancing before the DJ has even started and somehow she’s persuaded three strangers to join the group photo. Good for her. You don’t need to compete.
There’s no correct way to enjoy a hen party. One person might spend the whole weekend chatting to everyone, while another might have the best time sitting with two people over dinner and laughing until her stomach hurts. Stop measuring your weekend against someone else’s.
The bride isn’t going to look back and think, She only danced for twenty minutes. She’ll remember that you were there to celebrate with her.
Remember why you’re actually there
When you’re feeling overwhelmed, bring yourself back to the reason you’ve come. Someone you care about is getting married. You’re there to celebrate her, make some memories and spend time with people who matter to her. You don’t need to become a different person to do that.
You might not love every activity. You might need some alone time. You might leave the night out earlier than everyone else. You might spend half the weekend quietly observing the madness while everyone else is being ridiculous. And that’s absolutely fine.
Sometimes the best hen parties aren’t about being the loudest person in the room. They’re about laughing with your favourite people, having a few lovely moments with the bride and going home with stories you’ll still be talking about years later.
So, if you’re an introvert heading to a hen party, take a breath. You’ve got this. Pack your comfiest clothes, charge your phone, find your safe person and remember that you’re allowed to take a break whenever you need one. Join in when you fancy it, skip the bits you really don’t fancy and don’t spend the whole weekend worrying about whether you’re being sociable enough. You don’t need to become the loudest hen in the group.
You just need to be yourself, have a laugh and enjoy celebrating the bride. And if that means disappearing upstairs for twenty minutes with a cup of tea before heading back into the madness, well, that’s called excellent hen party planning.
